When you are preparing for retirement, you are bombarded with pictures of sunsets, golf, and couples on the beach. No one wants to address “the dark side of retirement.” But it exists, and it needs to be recognized. Doing so can actually lead to a much better experience.
As a Certified Financial Transitionist, I am trained to spot these retirement pitfalls, and to support clients as they navigate life’s changes. Here are some observations I have found helpful:
1: This is Normal. Many people picture retirement as unending vacation time. That can be fun at first, but the novelty eventually wears off, leaving you feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Worse, people can feel as if they did something “wrong” if they’re not deliriously happy every day after retirement.
First off, realize this is normal. When you retire, you go through a huge life change. It isn’t all roses; often there is a grieving process. Allow yourself time to adjust.
Consider journaling about your experience. What are your feelings? Maybe you feel frustrated, angry, disappointed, relieved, surprised, elated. If you feel regret, what is it that you miss? Is it the routine? The friends/community? The work itself? The money? Regret implies that something feels unfinished, or that you missed out on something. If you can identify what that is, you can begin to work through it.
2: Reimagine and Reinvent. Then, allow space for new possibilities. Consider “the 3 C’s” in your life: Community, Control, and Contribution. These are the pillars to feeling fulfilled and satisfied in times of change. They are also the foundation you can use to build a new routine and lifestyle.
Community: It’s likely that your co-workers formed your community when you were working, so that’s a big change. Rather than feeling left out, look around for what new communities you might want to become part of.
For example, one woman discovered a whole new world when she offered to help plant a local garden – even though she had no prior experience! Another found deep satisfaction in helping a nonprofit build affordable housing. Maybe you can try something you’ve never done before and see where it leads.
Control: It’s easy to fall into a tailspin when unexpected surprises come up. Maybe you thought you’d spend your retirement years with your kids, but they have other ideas. Or maybe you thought you would travel, but health concerns arise that make that less feasible.
Rather than thinking, “my plans are ruined,” can you reframe unexpected twists and turns? I knew a friend who used to exclaim, “Plot twist!” in response to life’s curve balls. It helped her find humor in the situation and move forward.
If humor is a little too much of a leap, try gentle reflection. Can you think back to a previous life experience when things didn’t work out exactly as planned? What was the outcome? What did you learn? Can that knowledge help you navigate your current situation?
You may not be able to go back to your previous job or lifestyle, but you can build on your experience to create something new. You can still make a difference.
Contribution: Sometimes retirement ennui is due to a lack of sense of direction or meaning. Human beings want to be a part of something greater than themselves, and retirement can feel overly self-focused. Volunteer opportunities can help re-establish your sense of purpose.
If you’re not sure where to start, think about interests you had back in childhood or early adulthood. Would it feel fulfilling to serve as a docent at a local history museum or an usher at a performing arts venue? What about mentoring a child or a pet? Even belonging to a book club can be a great way to make connections and establish a new community that you can contribute to.
3. Reach Out. Talk to someone. This doesn’t have to be a therapist (though it could be). Consider talking to friends who show resilience and see if you can benefit from their perspective. Seeing your situation differently through the eyes of a friend can be powerful. You may have more opportunities than you realize.
You might also seek out a thought partner like a trusted advisor to help you discover possibilities you might not be seeing. Financial Therapists, Financial Coaches, and Financial Transitionists (like me) are trained to help. You don’t have to do this alone!
Ultimately, healthy relationships will lead you back towards possibility. Nurture them to be guided out of darkness and back into the light of happiness.
